Did You Ever…

February 17, 2011 § 17 Comments


…know someone who owned a ferret? Didn’t they always go out of their way to tell you they were the pet of kings in olden times? Always, really defensively, they would say that.  Like, as if anticipating you saying “this musk-secreting weasel is going to make your house smell like taint,” they hit you with “you know historically, ferrets could only be owned by royalty.”  As though somehow this makes them royalty, having this special weasel. Or like, some hot girl is going to be transported in time from 16th century Bohemia into their apartment, and see the ferret, and just start blowing them because they must be the king.

 

Also: have you ever known someone that had a ferret, and then you saw them again two years later, and they still had a ferret?  No.  Never.

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§ 17 Responses to Did You Ever…

  • I can’t even tell you how much I love this. Mostly because when I was in college all my dealers had ferrets and then suddenly a year later they didn’t. I suspect they ate them.

    Or possibly I just hallucinated the ferrets.

    Hard to tell, really.

  • Okay, so what I’m getting out of this is that if I want people to think I’m important, I should get a ferret? And since ferrets make their own perfume, I won’t have to go out and buy Windsong any more, I’ll just rub my pulse points with my ferret? Cool.

  • Beyond Dimensions says:

    I owned ferrets once. I was never haughty about my owning of them. They were great little critters, but the maintenance on them was awful. With school and work, I just didn’t have time for them. Now I just go to the local pet store and play with those ferrets when I think about owning one again. The first bite reminds me how long it took to train my own and I come home and appreciate my dogs all the more.

  • Meegan says:

    First time reader (via Bloggess). There is a guy in my neighborhood (downtown Chicago) who owns a ferret. He also looks like his ferret. Additionally, they have a similar gait. I know this because he frequently takes his ferret for a walk on a little leash. There is nothing normal about this. Nothing at all.

  • Stacey says:

    My daughter has 3 ferrets. She’s had them for over 3 years and they’ve been descented so they don’t stink completely. Baths take care of what’s left. She takes very good care of them, and she wants more and more.

  • dragonflytype says:

    A friend of mine was once in a cafe, and met these two guys who had albino ferrets. Apparently, albino ferrets are super awesome show ferrets and make all their own money, and when you own one, all you have to do is be a show ferret owner. Crazy.

  • Brooke says:

    “Also: have you ever known someone that had a ferret, and then you saw them again two years later, and they still had a ferret? No. Never.”
    For real. We had two ferrets (the second one ended up being deaf) for 3 years. When we decided to put the house on the market, I got rid of them when my husband was out on business. Then we moved. Got a dog. Got a second dog. Turns out, she’s deaf as a doornail. We have a viscous cycle going and realize that if we have kids we’ll have to stop at one.

  • Nell says:

    I had a ferret once. Actually twice. The first ferret lived at my boyfriends house so I didn’t have to worry about the smell. I just got the love, and it was awesome. I also taught him not to bite. Sometimes he would forget he wasn’t allowed to bite and would put his teeth on you and then break into a spontaneous yawn so he wouldn’t get scolded. Cutest. Thing. Ever.
    When my boyfriend and I broke up, he kept the ferret and I later found out he dropped a grand on surgery for the little guy. That money was supposed to be my engagement ring money. I’m glad the ferret got it instead.

  • Jenny Grace says:

    Eventually, they realize that ferrets are in fact hurting the Please God Let Me Get Laid life goals that they have.

  • Gela says:

    I’ve never had a ferret, personally, but I once had a roommate who had an epileptic albino ferret. The fact that I now have a virtual menagerie of pets and there is no ferret among the ranks summarizes my opinion on the fitness of ferrets as a household pet.

  • EarleyDaysYet says:

    Ferrets remind me of Slinky toys, only furrier. And with more teeth. And bodily functions. Cute to watch, kinda creepy to own.

  • I’ve had 5 ferrets over the course of 7 years. They are easily my favorite animal and have the best personalities. If they are descented, you clean their cages regularly, and you don’t bathe them too often (it just causes them to produce more musk) then the stink is really kept to a minimum. I easily prefer the musk of a ferret to the stink of a dog or a cat’s litter box. They need to be played with a lot or they will get sad and destructive.

  • … And, I got all kinds of laid when I had them. In fact, the two ferrets that didn’t die from old age were giving to a good home when I found out I was pregnant.

    • JayTak says:

      Well…Hears the truth. Since your obviously delusional. What happens when you own a ferret (or any stinky animal) over an extended period of time (like 7 years) is first, the stench envelops everything in your home starting with your carpet and then eventually your wardrobe. Finally, you begin to grow used to the odor. It’s called sensory adaptation. I suppose you were wondering why (in the past seven years) every man that brought you home or (god forbid) you brought home shit there pants. Well, it was a common courtesy. As soon as they got you in an enclosed space alone, the pungent stench was over barring (almost unbearable) sooo… (because I’m a dude I would know that if you can get her this far the rest is a “breeze” cross your figures you’ll need it) instead of mentioning the fact that you smell like road kill he defecates…in his pants.. The familiar aroma of his own poop mixes with your offensive rot smell. This allows for an easier transition in between the time he begins to fornicate and sensory adaptation kicks in.

  • Sara says:

    My current roommate has two geriatric ferrets (they are 6 and 7 years old respectively). She brought them to Texas from California 3 years ago and they are both in great shape! I agree with most people here that I personally would not own one, but I have enjoyed their antics and they do have lots of personality which I wasn’t expecting. They are descented and kept in her room so I never smell them. I think ferrets are a specialized pet for a specialized pet owner. They’re not for everyone, but for those that are willing to devote the time and effort to care for them they can be fantastic pets. For now, I’ll stick to cats.

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