I’ll Never Be Cool Enough

February 27, 2011 § Leave a comment


Another one of my teeth broke. That’s three this month. Soon I’ll be reaching Sheen status, but without the drugs. I’m hell on my teeth; always have been. I eat lemons, for fuck’s sake. I use discount teeth bleach. I throw up bile. I throw up whiskey. Some nights I’m too drunk and tired to give a fuck about dental care. Yeah. I’m hell on my teeth.

I remember when I was 16, in the treatment center, when we were playing some crazy bullshit game to pass the hours until our insurance companies kicked us out and our parents were supposed to resume worrying over our pot smoking. In the game, we had to wander around with our eyes closed. Don’t fucking ask me why. We did all sorts of stupid shit in that place. Anyway, short of it is, I ran into some furniture and I broke my front tooth right in half.

“Put it in milk.”, the emergency dentist had told us, so we put my half tooth in a styrophome cup of milk and I got to leave the grounds to have some half-assed tooth glue job done. During the time it took to arrange the whole thing, the boy I was crushing on that day asked if he could see my tooth in my head, broken off like it was. I never opened my mouth for him, and I hate that about myself. A cooler chick would have gaped her maw open and shown the jagged edges like a champ. But, me, I just clamped by hand tight over my mouth and shook my fool head.

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