And *You* Should Also Smoke Crack: It’s Easy and Fun

May 12, 2011 § Leave a comment


You don’t have to cook up a big “Menace II Society” sized batch, or whatever—you can make crack with just a few bumps worth of coke, and have it serve as a handy fallback when you’re running low after a coke binge. What you do is take a sheet of tinfoil and mold it into kind of a pan/spoon shape, with a rim around the bowl. Don’t use an actual spoon because the metal is too thick and in the time it takes to get hot the heat will travel down the handle and burn your fingers.

Take an equal amount of (or slightly more) baking soda to your coke and lightly mix the two dry ingredients in your foil. Then add just a few drops of water, just enough to barely cover the mix. Stir it into a paste, with a plastic pen cap or something.

Then just heat the mixture from below until the water boils off. Once the paste starts turning slightly yellow or golden-brown, you’ll start smelling that classic burning-plastic crack smell and you’re ready to go. It won’t be “rocked up” per se, but rather kind of flakey.

Take some more foil and form it around a pen into a straw. Heat your crack from below, right in your foil-spoon and inhale through the straw from above. When you’re done, just throw everything out*—no telltale char-bottomed spoons floating around.

A technique I’ve seen work for slightly larger batches is a double-boiler method. This one dude would boil a little bit of water in the bottom of a wok and then cook up the paste (same proportions as above) in a thick, heavy shot glass set in the pan. As it progressed he would take a knife and smear gobs of paste on the inside edge of the glass so it would dry faster. This method ensures you won’t “overcook” the crack but I have seen people fuck it up—the steam can make it slow to dry out and you end up with this kind of squidgy dough. You can still smoke it though.

To tell you the truth, I never got that into smoking crack. It always felt too much like huffing pledge or something—I would get so fucked up that I would start hallucinating stars and planets and tweety birds, and then when I crashed it felt like someone had hit me in the head with a shovel. The whole point of coke is to make you feel more lucid.

What I did enjoy, however, is telling people that I smoked crack. Or casually asking my dilettantish drug associates—college girls or whatever—“hey: anybody want to smoke some crack?”

*Of course, god forbid I should follow my own advice—every time I did this I would wake up with like eight of these blackened little foil-wads clinging to my naked, sweaty body.

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