I Need To Get Fucked But Not By A Stranger

October 31, 2011 § 5 Comments

Dear Suit,

I do feel like fucking. I need to be fucked right now, in the roughest manner possible, with a lot of nipple pinching and tit grabbing and just really mashing them really hard. Sucking would be nice, too. And I don’t need it to last too long. Just a quick, rough one-off with a pal. I just got dumped, and it happened at the total wrong time, because I am just about to bleed any day now and my tits are huge, and that’s when I love sex the most.

I’ve come to accept that in some ways I’m nothing at all like a man. I got this friend, let’s just call him Malicious Macos, who can’t go longer than a month fucking the same chick before he loses interest and she just becomes another one of his fucking go-to pals for cooking him stew and getting drunk with him while he expresses a genuine interest in their personalities. He’s done fucking them, though. He’ll most likely never be able to get a boner around them again, unless they show up right after he already started jerking off.

I, on the other hand, hate new fucks. I’m too old and floppy to just go about lifting my skirt and shoving a face into my cooch. I don’t work out, and I don’t fucking want to. I need to fuck a person for at least two months before I’ll let them see me naked. When I lean forward when I’m on my knees my tits hang like pancakes, so if a new fuck puts me in this position I try to put my chest on the bed, which then results in air getting trapped as he pokes away, and if I move at all after that I know a big nasty queef is coming out.

I want to have sex with someone I’ve had enough sex with that we both know exactly how to get the other person off. With new fucks, it’s a lot of guessing and more often than not, they get it wrong. You were one of the few new fucks that got it right the first time, and kept getting it right until you decided that you preferred ass fucking me, so I dumped you. Or maybe I dumped you because you didn’t drink and didn’t like it when I did. Something about your mom, I think.

Anyway, you should come over tonight, because if you don’t I’m most likely going to cave in and find someone on OkCupid to come over and fill the vaginal void. It’ll either be Sunglasses, because he’s hot and all he talks about is fucking, or The Blacktor, because he’s really pushing for a date anyway. But what if Sunglasses is lousy at sex, and The Blacktor keeps talking about wanting to eat my ass, which I just can’t get into. So, get over here and do the fucking the way I liked, and I’ll make you dinner and watch you do situps the way you liked.


§ 5 Responses to I Need To Get Fucked But Not By A Stranger

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