I Am More You Know Than You Know

January 2, 2012 § Leave a comment

“Yeah, I’ve been married twice.” and he looks relieved, says that he always worries when a beautiful woman in her thirties has never been married, because it usually means that “they’re, you know…” And I say that, oh, I know. And I don’t bother to correct him on any thinking that I’m beautiful, or that I’m not, “you know…”

And we drink a lot and we drive around in his rich guy fast car, and we talk about his kid, and we talk about how he hates his ex-wife, and how I don’t hate my ex-husbands. And we don’t really care, anyway. I mean, this is all the bleating two people will do just because we’re used to bleating. Programmed discussions are a repetition of the ideas that define, and someone needs to say that they agree or they don’t and the If/Then of talking continues until I have forgotten that my mouth is even moving, or what it’s moving for.

I guess if I were a beautiful woman in her thirties who’d never been married, I may not have these sort of small talk conversations dressed up like we mean anything by them. Instead I’d be taking this seriously. Instead, I wouldn’t be planning my day tomorrow or wondering if the new episode of Top Chef is available on Hulu yet while drunkenly being bent over his bathtub, wearing nothing but black stockings, whimpering because the whimpering is a part of the game, whimpering because it turns me on. Instead I would be talking with my girlfriends about how all the good ones are taken while some who’s been divorced twice and is not, “you know…” sticks her pinky up the asses of all the men I rejected.

And for all of this wild sex addicted need to get pushed up against the wall and fingered, I want to point out that I am totally, completely YOU KNOW. I am just as you know as any of them, I’m just a different kind of you know. See, some women, these other women, they got stuff on their minds that’s never mattered to me about a guy, like cars and careers and saving accounts. Then they got stuff on their minds that I’ve already had, like weddings and children and houses with china cabinets and nice flooring. Me, I got stuff on my mind, too. It’s just getting properly fucked, having good food and booze, and being with someone who adores me even though- no, adores me because I’m a bit of a pain in the ass.

Anyway, the guy with the car and the kid and the ex wife turned out to be kind of a pain in the ass himself, as divorced, handsome, wealthy men in their late 40’s tend to be. We’ve all got our “you knows” to deal with, though, so I can’t be too hard on him. I mean, I will be, anyway. That’s the sort of well adjusted person I am.


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