When I Cum

January 3, 2012 § 3 Comments

Alright, you fucking insistent creep, you wanted me to write about cumming. I told you I have nothing to say about it, but you didn’t fucking listen. Here’s your boring bit of writing on the subject of my orgasms.

Used to be that I couldn’t stop myself, right before orgasm, from picturing horrific, violent things. If I stopped myself from receiving that mental image of, say, a head exploding, skull bits flying, brains like spaghetti-os, or a body hitting concrete, or an axe splitting into the belly of a hog, then I just didn’t cum at all.

One day it just stopped happening, though. I was with a client, and he was going down on me. Most clients wanted to eat pussy, and most of them thought that they were pretty unique because of it. Now, in the dating world, most men I meet will profess a love for it as well, and again, they think they are pretty goddam special. I actually don’t like getting my cunt licked, but with the clients, if I didn’t cum they would just keep licking, so I had to fantasize my way into getting off on their faces if I wanted them to stop. Anyway, this client, he was going down on me, and I was off in my head pretending that he was a doctor and I was 14 and he was convincing me that this was a normal part of an exam when all of a sudden I started to cum, unexpectedly free of any violent image. And with that, the images stopped completely.

I can cum in just over one minute. Sixty-four seconds is standard. This is probably why I watch really short porn clips. And this is also why I don’t fucking care how long a guy lasts. I mean, and ideal fucking for me takes about five minutes, and in that time I can usually cum three times. Unless I’m not going to cum at all. I mean, I don’t mind if it takes a while, but I would prefer that it didn’t. Like, when you want to lose weight, and you go to the gym, and you do more reps, small weights.

I can’t cum standing up. And I can’t cum in front of a crowd. Like, four people is fine. More than that and it weirds me out. Other than that, I can cum in any position and location. I once had an amazing orgasm on a city bus. I regularly get myself off in public restrooms if I’m feeling tense. Don’t fucking flip out, I’m not in there spraying my cum on soap dispensers, or waiting by the door to furiously masturbate at people when they enter. I’m discreet and quiet about it.

I have at least 8 orgasms a day from masturbation. Fewer than that, and I get angry about it. When I reach about 12, I start to enjoy it less, and that doesn’t mean I stop. Instead I get frustrated and do it even more, chasing the orgasm dragon. So, keeping it around 10 is a good idea.

Most of the time, in order to cum, I have to imagine the sex from the man’s perspective. I have to imagine what it feels like to have a dick, and what it feels like to have that dick inside of a cunt. And what it feels like to have that cunt squeezing on my imaginary dick. And what it feels like to shoot a load into a cunt. This doesn’t happen so easily when I’m getting fingered, because I know what it’s like to have fingers. And I know what it is like to put them into a pussy and make a girl cum, and you don’t shoot jizz out of your fingers unless you’re spiderman.

I have no idea what I look like when I’m cumming. I’ve tried to watch, but it throws me off, like when you have to talk to someone and you’re trying to start a good piss, but you can’t get it started unless you’re focused. I’d rather look at the person fucking me, or close my eyes. I do know that sometimes I make a weird little grunt of a noise, that I stop breathing, and that most often when I’m close, I start to say “pleasepleasepleaseplease”, and everything starts to pulse and I stop breathing and then my muscles contract and I squeeze the life out of whatever is inside me, and god’s in his heaven, all’s right with the world.

When I’m done cumming I like about 30 seconds of being held. (Yeah, held. What? I can’t like being held on account of my foul mouth and chilly outlook?) Anyway, 30 seconds of it and I’m all set.

The end. Okay?


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