Guess What? I’m Polyamorous Now!

There are already great deals on some of the things we'll be needing.

So, because I see you, DT, more than anyone; because I love you, I prefer your company, etc; because of all of that, you’re my “primary”. The fact that I fuck other people makes me poly. I know this, because some poly asshole I fucked once out of boredom just emailed me to tell me so. Even though I said that I wasn’t poly, he claims that I am. He must be right.

Now that I’m poly, what should I do? You said that I need to speak and write sanctimoniously about being poly.

And I’ll need to gain more weight

Maybe become Wiccan

smoke cloves

I’ll need to flirt stupidly and disgustingly in public places with overweight guys with long hair and ring beards, but stop them from tying me up with the hemp rope they keep in their backpacks by telling them that my primary needs to approve first